Really need to look into this whole Taoism thing.
Had a moment where I was one with the universe this afternoon. Absolute bliss. To Beckie Blair I extend my most sincere graditude, that book did more for me than you even know.
My, my, my...how time flies and things change. I can faintly remember the paranoid broken man I was at the beginning of this semester. I can say I haven't become less disillusioned but rather more entertained by the comedy of it all. Letting go would have to be at the heart of this transformation, but in a strange bout of enatiodromia the reverse has happened as well.
As often occured this semester, I received an epiphany of sorts while lying in bed shortly after I awoke this morning. None of my previous pain and suffering would have ever happened (i.e. all of this stems from my realitization of the impermenance of things and of people - - - sort of a buddhistic moment of clarity if you will) if not for me giving two shits about the people I observed and having a vested personal interest in their general well-being. It's not that I've failed, it's that I've grown. I achieved a good bout of empathy with the people in my life and guess what? It really fucking hurt. I didn't go through a shitty semester, we all did. A lot of confusion on a inter and intrapersonal level was created and the subsequent and necessary soul searching left the lot of us basically saying, "To hell with it" and shrugging our proverbial shoulders. We'll all make it, you just have to accept the notion that it WILL, not MIGHT, turn out differently than you expected and that applies to the whole range of interpretation.
I'm leaving, and to be honest I'm not even terribly excited about it. I guess the overall bummer running through my mind right now is that I will go through all this hassle and expenses to only encounter more of the same. I really hope not. I hope I can just have ONE amazing experience over there. you know. Something that really just knocks my socks and leaves me waiting breathlessly for more. I want to make love over there. I know that's an odd goal, but it just feels important right now.
"You'll be clever, but alone." I could never have imagined how true those words would have turned out. It's pleasing though, I needed some intellectual ego stroking. Sure would like some company though, and not the half ass company provided by some. *cough Michelle Ballard cough*
I'll end this entry with my eternal commitment that I'll try to start writing more regularly now and to tell Christy Hopkins that she'll never stop taking my breath away and never stop making me feel like I'm 12 again. You really deserve to be treated well and loved. Your approval of my work means more than you know.
My, my, my...how time flies and things change. I can faintly remember the paranoid broken man I was at the beginning of this semester. I can say I haven't become less disillusioned but rather more entertained by the comedy of it all. Letting go would have to be at the heart of this transformation, but in a strange bout of enatiodromia the reverse has happened as well.
As often occured this semester, I received an epiphany of sorts while lying in bed shortly after I awoke this morning. None of my previous pain and suffering would have ever happened (i.e. all of this stems from my realitization of the impermenance of things and of people - - - sort of a buddhistic moment of clarity if you will) if not for me giving two shits about the people I observed and having a vested personal interest in their general well-being. It's not that I've failed, it's that I've grown. I achieved a good bout of empathy with the people in my life and guess what? It really fucking hurt. I didn't go through a shitty semester, we all did. A lot of confusion on a inter and intrapersonal level was created and the subsequent and necessary soul searching left the lot of us basically saying, "To hell with it" and shrugging our proverbial shoulders. We'll all make it, you just have to accept the notion that it WILL, not MIGHT, turn out differently than you expected and that applies to the whole range of interpretation.
I'm leaving, and to be honest I'm not even terribly excited about it. I guess the overall bummer running through my mind right now is that I will go through all this hassle and expenses to only encounter more of the same. I really hope not. I hope I can just have ONE amazing experience over there. you know. Something that really just knocks my socks and leaves me waiting breathlessly for more. I want to make love over there. I know that's an odd goal, but it just feels important right now.
"You'll be clever, but alone." I could never have imagined how true those words would have turned out. It's pleasing though, I needed some intellectual ego stroking. Sure would like some company though, and not the half ass company provided by some. *cough Michelle Ballard cough*
I'll end this entry with my eternal commitment that I'll try to start writing more regularly now and to tell Christy Hopkins that she'll never stop taking my breath away and never stop making me feel like I'm 12 again. You really deserve to be treated well and loved. Your approval of my work means more than you know.
posted by P.M. Richets at 1:04 AM
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