So yeah...about this whole London thing.
You know what my one true goal is for visiting one of the most amazing cities in the world for 4 months is? My first night I want to sit quitely and drink tea in some deserted cafe. Thousands of miles from home, and all I want to do is be alone. Maybe I'm strange, I really can't tell anymore.
Life holds little adventure anymore. Even with what stands before me, I can't get my mind past the trivial logistical things of it. I can't dream about where my life will take me anymore. Right now I'm just hoping it will the least painful path I can manage.
I had a vision the other day. I saw my life in three acts. Birth until 12, when I got my first piece of designer clothing and had my first successful party. It chronicles my life of simply trying to survive; living in what seemed to me at the time a pretty uninviting world. Then from puberty until today, me beginning to win the battle and realizing there isn't much in winning at all. And now the third. With this time span, I imagine my life will end around 30. If you wanted my completely honest opinion, if I have loved and taught by that age...I'd be perfectly content to die. Nothing much seems to happen that's revolutionary after that anyhow. I think this London thing is a fitting way to commence the final movement of my life as I see it. I just hope it isn't as trivial as I expect it to be.
On a totally different note, another comment on my definition of what I want in a woman. I heard myself saying as I daydreamed the other day, "I just want you to hold me and tell me it's ok." I have no one to nuture me and not demand something from me I don't really want to give, ego stroking namely, but I guess I'm just being hypocritical. I want fulfillment. I want a wife. I want a person to come home to. People hear me say that and think it's really strange. Maybe she lays across the seas.
Life holds little adventure anymore. Even with what stands before me, I can't get my mind past the trivial logistical things of it. I can't dream about where my life will take me anymore. Right now I'm just hoping it will the least painful path I can manage.
I had a vision the other day. I saw my life in three acts. Birth until 12, when I got my first piece of designer clothing and had my first successful party. It chronicles my life of simply trying to survive; living in what seemed to me at the time a pretty uninviting world. Then from puberty until today, me beginning to win the battle and realizing there isn't much in winning at all. And now the third. With this time span, I imagine my life will end around 30. If you wanted my completely honest opinion, if I have loved and taught by that age...I'd be perfectly content to die. Nothing much seems to happen that's revolutionary after that anyhow. I think this London thing is a fitting way to commence the final movement of my life as I see it. I just hope it isn't as trivial as I expect it to be.
On a totally different note, another comment on my definition of what I want in a woman. I heard myself saying as I daydreamed the other day, "I just want you to hold me and tell me it's ok." I have no one to nuture me and not demand something from me I don't really want to give, ego stroking namely, but I guess I'm just being hypocritical. I want fulfillment. I want a wife. I want a person to come home to. People hear me say that and think it's really strange. Maybe she lays across the seas.
posted by P.M. Richets at 12:48 AM
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